JUDY SHARES ABOUT HER FRIENDSHIP WITH ANNETTE

Below is a short testimony that my friend Judy gave at a retreat recently.  I say short because the Lord did so much in Judy's life as she was taking care of Annette.  Judy literally layed down her life for our friend.  I want to thank you Judy for your witness and for saying YES to Jesus!  I took the above picture.  I had gone that weekend to assist Judy as she was caring for Annette.  We were actually at a fund raiser for  a friend of Annette's who was battling cancer.

I often thought of myself as worthless, not worth loving. I saw myself as damaged goods or feeling disguarded.

So that is a bit of a background of where I have come from.

Let me fast forward to this past fall. The Lord has done so much deep healing in my life. I have two dear friends from college Annette and Joyce. Whenever I would see them around campus at the school they were the huggy type. They would always give you a big hug. I would avoid them, I would go the other way because I did not think I was worth being hugged, I am to fat, I am to ugly, I am damaged goods. I began to think that I would love to tell them that I get it now. I would love to share with them what the Lord had done in me to bring healing. I had not seen them in about 5 years. They live in Michigan. I told the Lord one day in prayer that if the opportunity every came up I would love to tell them that I get it now, I am worth hugging.

Well, I emailed Joyce and before you knew it in early February I was on my way to Grand Rapids, MI. I had heard that Annette was in the end stages of breast cancer that had spread into her bones. She was in remission about 3 ½ years ago but the cancer came back with a vengeance. As I sat and visited with them I told them the story and that now I get it. Of course, there response was big hugs.

That visit was the first of many trips for me to MI. Let me share with you a few of the stories about my time with Annette. As I would be the one to stay and care for Annette that weekend Joyce began to let me know what all Annette’s needs were. One thing was to have her feet massaged with oil three times a day. She said that helped with pain management. I need to be honest with you. I don’t like feet, I just have never been the type that liked to touch my own feet let alone others feet. It was the first of many opportunities to die to self. It was very challenging to do, but I did it.

Sunday of that same weekend we were in my car ready to go to Mass, she looks at me and says “I get to receive Jesus today, she had a smile on her face, and I could see in her eyes a lover going to meet her lover. That was a transforming moment for me. She was so excited to go to communion and receive Jesus.

I had volunteered to come up a few weeks later again and take a weekend. Again, it was such a blessing to be able to care for Annette. Annette has 5 children, from ages 12-21. One day as I was driving home in March on the turnpike I heard the Lord say to be “will you be my hands and feet for Annette and will you be Annette’s hands and feet to her children. I said yes Lord, but not sure what that looks like, what that means. Over the months I had many opportunities to do just that. I began to go up every other weekend to care for her.

I remember one night when Annette was in intense pain. Because of the pain she was sleeping in the recliner and I was sleeping on the couch. She walks over to the couch and takes my hand and I stand up. She put her arms on my shoulders and we began to dance. (remember the absence of affection) And we danced and we danced and we wept and we wept. As we danced Annette began giving to the Lord by name every part of her body stricken with cancer and intense pain. We continued to pray and dance. We stopped dancing and she looks at me and she says do you want to enter the throne room with me. The holy of hollies. I responded sure I would love to. I wasn’t sure what she meant but I knew that I love to worship. We began a period of free praise. It was glorious, I wept, I experienced being in the presence of the Lord in a profound way. I felt both joined to Christ’s death and resurrection. The Lord began to show me judgement and unforgiveness in my life. I did not want anything to be in the way. By name people came to mind. I was able to release and forgive them. What a profound experience of the Lord’s grace and mercy.

One of Annette’s favorite prayers was “Mary would you lend me your heart so that I can say “Yes” like you. I now begin my day, praying that prayer.

I have struggled over the years with Mary and a relationship with her. One day I was sharing this with Annette and she said “would you let me be Mary’s arms”. I was not sure I understood what she meant but I said ok. We sat down and she said put your head on my lap. I did and she began to pray. It was beautiful, I realized that because of feeling like used and damaged goods and growing up with absence of affection I did not believe that I was worth a mother’s love. I began to cry and Annette just held me and we prayed.

Over the months Annette has shared with me such words that the Lord was asking her to surrender everything. As her health declined I saw just that. She loved being a mom and had shared that was one of the most difficult to surrender, giving up motherhood and leaving her children.

One night in early July myself and a good friend were sitting with Annette. She looked at us and she said you know what the Lord would sing to you both right now. We looked at each other and said no. She began to sing, “You are so beautiful to me, you are so beautiful to me, can’t you see. I began to cry, I mean cry. Then she said to us both and you know what I think “you are so beautiful to me.”

So many parallels of caring for Annette I experienced caring for Christ. I spent many of hours massaging her legs or feet to bring down the swelling.

Over the months our hearts had become so close. I loved in a way I never knew I was able and received love in a way I never knew possible. I sat by her side holding her hand and stroking her head and saying thank you for your yes. I experienced that the more I loved the more I experienced the depth of Christ’s love intimately and passionately for me.

I know that my capacity and depth to love has deepened, grown and expanded. I saw in the midst of intense pain living each moment to the fullest.

I had the privilege of being with Annette and holding her hand those last days. I remember one of the last things that she spoke to me was “I am ready to meet Jesus now, she paused, looked at me and smiled and said “Hallelujah I am so ready.”

I realize that being with a dear friend as they go home to the Lord is as sacred as giving birth to my children. Yes the grieving continues, I miss her so much, actually more than I thought humanly possible.

I recall in the Gospel of Luke the sinful woman who wiped Christ’s feet with her hair. My favorite part of that story is “she loved much” I am a sinful woman but know now that I can love much and be loved much.

I would like to end with a quote from Pope John Paul II – “Man cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self.”

To love and be loved is the greatest gift.

To be a total gift of self. My heart is enlarged to love and be loved in ways I never thought possible.