KAREN'S LAST UPDATE: PART II

I rolled in just before midnight and took a few minutes to unpack and say my “hellos” to everyone who was still awake at Joyce’s house. Joyce and Judy tried to prepare me before I went into the bedroom to see Annette. They told me she looked very different from the last time I saw her, and talked about how much the level of care had changed, etc. I felt like I was “okay” with it, and went into the bedroom, anxious to see her again and let her know I was there.


It was more of a shock than I had anticipated. There was nothing left to my friend… I didn’t recognize her face at all; her eyes were open all the time, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Her mouth was open, her face was sullen & her eyes sunken. She had lost more weight, if that were possible! She was very weak, and couldn’t speak any more. Judy and Joyce said she could communicate with her eyes, but I wasn’t completely sure if that was the case or not… She did seem to fix her eyes in my direction when I got close to her and talked – but then it seemed like her eyes stayed there even when I moved out of her view. Forever the doubting Thomas, I tried positioning myself in various areas around her bed and “waving” at her to see if she could see me or not!! Sometimes I felt like she was staring right through me, but other times, I felt like she had already left us…her spirit was free – and this was just a shell of her former self trying to catch up with her. 

It was really hard for me to look at her. There wasn’t any “life” in her eyes, and her smile was gone. Those were two key elements of who Annette was to me – so it was difficult. Her eyes expressed such sadness…not a depressed type of sadness though…it was more of an overwhelming sense of compassion type of sadness. Her sister Joyce said “She looks likes Christ on the cross.” The more I looked at her, the more I saw it… For those of you who have seen the images of the Shroud of Turin – THAT is what I kept seeing in Annette’s face. She had the look of having surrendered all…bearing the burdens for all the sins of the world… It was haunting and beautiful at the same time.

I didn’t know how to talk to her at first. I hoped she was at peace. I wanted to hear her say “hello” or know that she knew I was with her again. I think she did, but just wanted some tangible evidence… I followed Judy’s lead and held her hand. It was so tiny! I started to thank the Lord out loud for that hand…these hands that had served Him so well on earth. These hands held her children; stroked and comforted them in times of need. These hands cleaned, cooked, and labored willingly for many years. These hands played beautiful music on the guitar and were raised in praise. These hands are holy hands – they grasped other hands in their time of need, and gave comfort to many. They took care of patients, young and old. They waved and greeting others in a warm welcome. Judy and I sang “This is Holy Ground” together. It’s amazing how songs take on a whole new meaning when you have something that makes them come alive to you!

Judy let me stay up with Annette all night so I could have some time alone with her. I read from the “Jesus Calling” Book that Annette loved so much, but mostly sat there just looking at her, crying and feeling so fortunate to have known this amazing woman.

Every 15 minutes, her mouth needed to be swabbed with a little sponge on a stick – “her lollipop” as Judy called it.  Whenever I did this, the image of Jesus expressing his thirst on the cross became very vivid. We would let her know what we were doing each time, so as not to startle her. Because her eyes were always open, we weren’t sure if she was sleeping or awake any more. “Annette, I’m going to give you water now. I hope it helps a little bit and makes you feel better. I love you.” Each time we did that, a single tear would stream from her right eye down her cheek. I’m not sure if it was just an involuntary reaction, but the hospice nurses say that’s the patient’s way of saying “I love you.” I like their version, so I’m going to go with it! I would wipe that one tear away with a Kleenex and quote the scripture that says “He will wipe away every tear…” Then I’d say “I wish I only had one tear left Annette!”

We kept the room quiet and played calming music for her. We prayed with her and sat next to her; talking to her about seeing Jesus. Earlier in the week Annette told Judy she was ready to go. “I’m just waiting for Jesus to come and get me.” What a privilege to comfort her and help usher her into the kingdom! 

She had visitors during those final days. Linda (Burns) Biewer offered to come and sit with Annette to give Judy and I a break. I love the “Burns Girls!” One of the neat benefits of visiting Annette was that so many of us were able to rekindle old relationships!  For those of you know Linda, you know she is a straight-forward, get it done type of gal. She marched into that room and without even blinking, plopped down next to Annette and started talking to her like nothing had changed.  Annette’s appearance didn’t seem to affect her one iota!! I LOVED IT!! Linda is a sure, solid, unwavering force… I was so happy to see her, and knew that we could fall asleep in peace – knowing Annette was under her watchful eye. It was EXACTLY what we needed. The Lord provided people like this constantly!

Many relatives and friends were able to see Annette and say good bye to her. She also had personal time with each of the children & Paul before I arrived. I can’t remember everyone, but a few key moments stand out to me. Her sister-in-law Therese was one person who helped Judy care for Annette after I left. I heard she did an amazing job, showing extreme patience and understanding the entire time. I called her “the new Judy.”  When Therese came in to say good bye, I remember her leaning over and whispering into Annette’s ear a few times. I have no idea what she told her, but something about it was very calming… Her brother, Fr. Ron came into the room a few times a day to share various readings with Annette and pray special prayers for the dying. Annette loved to share with Fr. Ron after the Masses he held at the house, and it was neat to see him minister to her – both as a priest and as her older brother. He had a gentle confidence that seemed to speak directly to her heart when she was alert, so I hoped those visits continued to bring her comfort.

The most vivid memory I have is when her sister Joyce came in to talk with her. Judy and I were sitting with Annette and Judy said “I feel like Joyce needs to be here right now. I’m going to get her.” Joyce came in and started to talk to Annette. She told her she knew she was weak and couldn’t respond, but she felt their hearts were speaking to each other. She told Annette she could never replace her, but she would try to be there for her children, to take care of them in the way that Annette would and to give them what they need. I tried not to listen any more because I felt like I was eavesdropping on a private conversation.  It was beautiful though! The love they had for each other was immeasurable. I think Joyce was the most excited about Annette meeting Jesus and having no more suffering or pain – probably because she had been caring for Annette the longest. She knew all Annette had been through. She released her sister to the Lord again in that moment… Annette was surrounded by love and support.